I always thought I would only be happy with a fellow artist. Someone who, while he may work in a different medium, still understands the ebb and flow of a creative work schedule. Who knows firsthand the urge to create as well as the pitfalls of artist block. Someone who won’t look twice at hands stained pink from teaching a kids painting class.
Then two years ago I began to realize just how misguided that assumption was. It’s true, I thrive in a relationship with someone who is creative. But what I didn’t understand was that it didn’t mean he had to be an artist. In fact, two years ago, I chose the exact opposite. A scientist, or computer scientist to be more exact.
Brandon and I met on Bumble in October 2021. At the time, I’d be active on a variety of dating apps for a few weeks and determinedly swiping left on any guy who’s career didn’t involve a paintbrush or palette.
Brandon caught my eye however, not only for his handsome and bookish appearance (read: a sci-fi nerd!), but also his travel photos (including two places in which we had in common: Arches National Park and The Colosseum). What he lacked was any indication of his job. But I took a leap anyway. I swiped right.
What followed were two pulse-racing days of messages back and forth. We shared our love of travel, cooking, and music. And when I finally asked what he did for a living…? Computer scientist for a clinical laboratory.
I must admit, in that moment, I was a little disappointed. And yet, when I shared that I was a working artist and art teacher, he readily sent me a couple of his own watercolor paintings with the humbling and candid admission that he’d followed a YouTube tutorial, but he really enjoyed the process.
What did not dawn on me then (in my happy-hormone-enhanced state!) but became so clear to me in the months (now years) that have followed was that more important than a career in the arts are three things: a hunger for new experiences, a sense of humility in trying new endeavors, and an eagerness to understand, and even partake in the things that make your partner tick.
In Brandon I have found all three. He may enter numbers into a computer analyzing data that I cannot even begin to decode while I bring paintbrush to paper in my studio, but the new joy in my artistic process is sharing my work with him.
“For so long I’ve wanted a partner with whom I could share the creative experience. I’d just been looking in the wrong places.”
What I failed to realize in my dogged pursuit of a creative companion was that what I really needed in a partner was not someone who can debate the merits of cold versus hot press watercolor paper but someone fills in what I lack. Someone with a more analytical mind, who can help me find ways to be more efficient in my work. Someone better with numbers to remind me that as much as I love my work, I may not understand my worth enough to charge the right price. Someone with a cinematic memory who can point out inconsistencies in story narrative. (Even someone with a better grasp of anatomy who can tell me (and laugh with me!) when I drew a thumb on the wrong side of the hand of one of my characters!) For so long I’ve wanted a partner with whom I could share the creative experience. I’d just been looking in the wrong places.
Brandon has become my creative collaborator. He’s the first person I feel comfortable sharing my in-progress work with and who I know will give me an honest opinion (even if it’s not what I want to hear). He kept me accountable everyday this summer as I sketched page after page of my current picture book project and followed up with customers requesting custom dog portraits. At the end of the day, I know he’ll have a listening ear and a keen eye for anything I wish to share with him and get a fresh perspective on.
As we celebrated our two year anniversary this month, it was more evident than ever to me just how much I have learned and changed in that time. Brandon makes me be the best person I can be. And he also has made me a better artist.
